Anasthesia

Today is the day.  I am heading into surgery in a few short hours.  This is the first time I have been under anesthesia since I was a teenager.  I have had two c-sections, but I was wide awake and anxiously awaiting the babies that followed.  This time, I will be asleep.  And, with that, comes a slightly higher level of risk.

I fretted all night.  Not because I don't trust my surgeon (who, in case you are wondering, has never lost a patient), not because I don't think I'm doing the right thing, but because of that little sliver of a chance that something could go wrong and I never come back.  It's just that I've never had so much to lose.  This beautiful family... I couldn't bear to leave them.

I wrote The Mister a "just in case" email yesterday.  In it, I outlined my insurance coverage (in my house, I'm the one who keeps track of this stuff) and how I feel it would be wise to spend it.  I reminded him of what I would want, medically, in case of emergency and who to consult if he needs guidance.

I found that those topics weren't quite enough to satisfy my need to share information.  I needed him to know what I would want for him, for The Nugget.  And this is how I found myself crying big, fat tears in front of my computer screen at work.  The thought of him living a life in which I am not his wife, in which I am not The Nugget's mother,  it's more than I can bear.  Which, really, is why I am going under the knife in the first place.

But all of that is just in case, and I am planning on status quo.  And so, I'll see you on the other side.  Good energy, wishes of luck and prayers are welcome, though, to help ferry me over!

Comments

  1. I'm sending tons of prayers and postive thoughts your way, Mel. I wish you the best!

    Blessings,
    Marie

    ReplyDelete
  2. So responsible of you. The good news- all's well you're on your way to recovery now!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope everything went great and that you're recovering beautifully now!

    ReplyDelete

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