Welcome to my less than perfect life!

Embracing the imperfections that make my life practically perfect in every way.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Anasthesia

Today is the day.  I am heading into surgery in a few short hours.  This is the first time I have been under anesthesia since I was a teenager.  I have had two c-sections, but I was wide awake and anxiously awaiting the babies that followed.  This time, I will be asleep.  And, with that, comes a slightly higher level of risk.

I fretted all night.  Not because I don't trust my surgeon (who, in case you are wondering, has never lost a patient), not because I don't think I'm doing the right thing, but because of that little sliver of a chance that something could go wrong and I never come back.  It's just that I've never had so much to lose.  This beautiful family... I couldn't bear to leave them.

I wrote The Mister a "just in case" email yesterday.  In it, I outlined my insurance coverage (in my house, I'm the one who keeps track of this stuff) and how I feel it would be wise to spend it.  I reminded him of what I would want, medically, in case of emergency and who to consult if he needs guidance.

I found that those topics weren't quite enough to satisfy my need to share information.  I needed him to know what I would want for him, for The Nugget.  And this is how I found myself crying big, fat tears in front of my computer screen at work.  The thought of him living a life in which I am not his wife, in which I am not The Nugget's mother,  it's more than I can bear.  Which, really, is why I am going under the knife in the first place.

But all of that is just in case, and I am planning on status quo.  And so, I'll see you on the other side.  Good energy, wishes of luck and prayers are welcome, though, to help ferry me over!

4 comments:

  1. I'm sending tons of prayers and postive thoughts your way, Mel. I wish you the best!

    Blessings,
    Marie

    ReplyDelete
  2. So responsible of you. The good news- all's well you're on your way to recovery now!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope everything went great and that you're recovering beautifully now!

    ReplyDelete

Every comment is practically perfect in every way!