I've had a few difficult days recently. I think I've spent a lot of time since the miscarriage keeping myself very busy - Christmas, adoption, overall catch up - and now that I have a moment to think, well, it seems like I've noticed a lot of sadness that I haven't dealt with yet. In one way I'm relieved because I need to deal with it, but in another way, it's just...sad.
So I decided to take a moment to notice some of the ways I've been blessed lately.
I've been preparing the nursery this past week or so. The agency suggests that if you feel the need to nest you should do it now as it helps lessen the potential pain of a fall through if you decorate for a specific child. I feel the need to nest so that's what I've been doing. The blessings are many, but the one that overwhelmed me the other day was just how incredibly generous our friends have been to us. We didn't keep much after The Nugget grew out of babyhood, largely because we didn't plan on more kids initially due to difficult pregnancies. Even so, my as yet unborn child has an entire dresser full of clothing to last through age one. And our current daughter will be clothed until the end of time with all of the unbelievable hand me downs. Feeling all of the love and generosity that our friends have put into those gifts is amazing. For those of you who read this: thank you.
I went to the grocery today. Walking around, I passed an older woman several times before she stopped me. "I've got cat food and you've got dog food!" She laughed. My introverted self laughed with her but kept moving. The nest aisle over it was clear that she was determined to talk. After a short chat she pulled out a coupon for the dog food I was buying and then gave it to me. It was a small thing, but sometimes those are just the things we need to restore our faith in humanity and lift our spirits.
We are heading to visit family for the weekend soon. It feels good to go and I think it will be healing to just spend time with people we love.
Love. I am surrounded by it. I love and am loved, in big and small ways every day. For this and so much more, I am so very, very grateful
Monday, February 25, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
As I lay between my very wiggly daughter and very loudly snoring husband this morning, wondering if I would ever get back to sleep, I reached my hand out to rub The Mister's back and perhaps stir him enough to stop his snores. Feeling the short distance between us, a smile crept across my face in the dark.
There is plenty of room for one more.
There is plenty of room for one more.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
We attended a day long class for our adoption last week, the first step in completing our home study. It was a day full of lots of information and lots of emotion, tears, laughter, joy and fear. We met adoptive parents and a birth mother, all of whom had so much to share. The Executive Director of our agency shared a lovely poem with us. I thought I would share it with you all:
Adoption is a Long Journey
Different Trips to the Same Place
By Diane Annitage
Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is not seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait -and wait - and wait. Flights to Australia come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax, you'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"
After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."
"By boat!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.
Then, one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice, Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.
We've been to Australia by plane. We absolutely cannot wait to see it again, by boat.