Showing posts from March, 2011

Two Years Old

Two years ago, I lay in a hospital bed and asked every nurse, every doctor, every family member the same question: "Where is the baby?"

Ours was a pregnancy fraught with fear.  I was put on bed rest in December.  The Nugget was due in April.  I had hypertension and diabetes and not the best body for having a baby.  But I WANTED her with all of my heart.

On March 23, 2009, I went to a regular doctor's appointment (I went to these at least once a week).  I lay on the table while we monitored The Nugget's heartbeat.  I was weary of lying at home on the couch alone each day.  I wanted to meet my baby.  My blood pressure was sky rocketing.  The doctor sent me to the hospital to prep for a C-section.

I was excited but also scared.  I no longer trusted my instincts.  When the neo-natologist came in to see me prior to surgery I had only one request: no matter how sick the baby was (she was coming 5 weeks early), please let me see her before they take her away.  He promised.

Red Writing Hood: Ugly/Beauty

Stepping from the steaming shower in the pre-dawn hours, I stand dripping for a moment before I wipe my bleary eyes, towel off my hair, dry my body.  Most times, I don’t even look at the reflection in the mirror across the room.  Autopilot is in effect.  I dry, I comb, I brush and style, I stumble out the door to work.

Some mornings, though, I stop.  Take inventory.  Survey the scene.  I notice the sagging breasts of motherhood.  The puckering stomach.  I notice the fragile, wrinkled eyes growing older day by day.  I’m still there, but different now.  Stronger and more fragile all at once.

Inevitably on these days my fingers wander to the scar that stretches across my abdomen.  I remember that the nurse in the hospital called it my smile.  “How’s your smile feeling?” she had asked.  I touch it, still reddened and angry from the hot water.  I feel along the full length of it.  I notice the “teeth marks”, the places where the staples that put me back together made their own scars.  I marv…

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Check in with The Un Mom to hear all kinds of random stuff from all kinds of random people.  Here's my randomness of the day:
1.  Could The Nugget please not fall asleep for 10 minutes and then wake up crying and I pray pray pray it's just a sleep scream but OF COURSE NOT I have to go back upstairs when I really want to play on the computer.  I'd rather she went down difficult in the first place instead of just lying down peacefully so I don't have that feeling like it's all good only to have to rug pulled out from under me.  Or in this case, my cozy blanky pulled off of me.
2.  Parenthood is a re-run tonight.  I am ashamed to say how disappointed this makes me.  I love those stupid Bravermans more than I love most of my own actual blood relatives.
3.  No.  More.  Dogs.  I will repeat this mantra until I have it through my head that we have too much going on in our lives to try and commit to one more freaking animal.  We have literally had 4 different white dogs spend…

Random Tuesday Thoughts

I am linking up with The Un-Mom for this tasty little series today.  Check out her blog and all of the others linked up.  And now, as she says, let's get ready to randoooommmm....

First off, as many people have pointed out here in blog-land, Charlie Sheen has turned into an even crazier version of the megalomaniac that he already was.  I was already boycotting his misogynistic ass long before his recent episode (in fact, The Mister gets scared if he accidentally stops on a channel which features him because he knows he will get an earful), but now the egg has finally, officially cracked.  Publicly.  Hence why I am TOTALLY IN LOVE with the funniest thing I've seen in weeks.  Check out these Stark Raving Mad Libs.  You can add your words to his insanity and you will crack yourself up!!  I need to thank The Bloggess for helping me find that one.

Second, I have had a cold again this week.  This is only about the MILLIONTH time this winter, so I am just about to go over the edge.  …