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Showing posts from December, 2012

Silent

It seems a lifetime since I've written on this blog, since I could bring myself to say much of anything at all.  But here I am, trying to figure out how to work through it all so I don't let the wound heal over the infection.  So it doesn't fester and poison me from the inside out.  Though, in truth, there's a part of me that would accept that fate.  A part of me who thinks that maybe I deserve it.  A part of me, small but true, who thinks that pain might be preferable to working through any of what I'm feeling.

What I'm feeling right now is a lot of nothing.  The nothing wasn't the first thing, though.  The first thing I felt was sadness and then, like a hot pan flashing over with fire, rage.  Rage is one of the hardest emotions to cope with; I know this, I'm a therapist.  It's easy to cry or scream but true, deep seeded rage?  What can we do with that to make is constructive?  I could't figure it out, so I dissociated.  I turned it into the no…