Lately I've been feeling a second baby plucking at my heart strings. I think every day about this new little life that I would like to have with me. I must talk about it a lot, too, because yesterday The Nugget said, "No more questions about a baby!" when she thought I was asking her if she wanted a new baby. I already know she does (because I have asked her eleventy billion times, obviously). I just feel this new little life waiting for us to get it together already and can't help but bubbling over with excitement and talking about it.
We are scheduled to attend an adoption seminar on May 16th. That just happens to be my birthday. Not that I'm reading into it as being lucky or anything:) Each day since we scheduled this, I have been anxiously awaiting May 16th and have hardly even realized that it is my birthday. Instead, it feels like it has already been re-made into the day we took the first step toward bringing home our new child.
To be fair, we had already met with an adoption attorney. They were just crazy expensive, so I am hopeful that the agency we are meeting with now will be at least a bit more affordable. Adoption, overall, is not an affordable option (at least newborn adoption). For us, though, it feels like the absolute right choice. For all I know, our child could already be growing in his or her birth mommy's tummy! It's overwhelming to think about!
Of course, there is trepidation. What if we are matched and then the mother changes her mind? What if nobody picks us because we already have a child of our own? What if, what if, what if? I suppose we could what if ourselves about everything forever. I would like to trust that if we meet with disapointment on the path to finding our child, then that's all it ever was; one stepping stone on the path to finding OUR child.
For now, I feel almost as emotional and hormonal as I did when I was actually pregnant. I tear up over every slightly emotional thing that happens. I see babies and feel so overwhelmed with love and joy. I just KNOW this is the path we are meant to take.
I know because that baby has been plucking at my heart strings. I'm listening, little one. We're coming. We're coming.