Welcome to my less than perfect life!

Embracing the imperfections that make my life practically perfect in every way.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Changing Seasons

It is officially Fall.  August and its sultry weather stayed with us well into September, and Indiana days are just giving way to the cool sunset evenings that call the entire family out of doors.  Tonight I marveled as I watched my daughters play together, both pretending to be super heroes who could fly (on our swings) and then chase criminals as they giggled their way through the yard.  The dog chased the cat through the too-tall grass and I looked at the Mister.

"I don't know if you've noticed," I said, "but our family is just about perfect right now."

"I have," he replied, smiling.

All of this comes on the heels of one of the deepest depressions I have ever experienced.  It is one that frightened me with its insidious nature.  Even now, I cannot look back and say when it began.  Was it three years ago, after our miscarriage?  I admit that I did all I could to avoid the feelings surrounding that time, choosing instead to stay busy.  Was it after we brought home our second daughter and realized the many, many hardships she, and therefore we, faced?  Was it a simple chemical imbalance, brought on by a fluctuation in my disease and completely out of my control?

Whatever it was, it cut deeply.  The depression had me asking myself questions that frightened me, and giving myself answers that frightened me even more.  Finally, knowing I could not go one step further without clinical intervention, I sought help from my physician.  We changed meds.  I made my world very, very small so that I could manage only the things I absolutely had to.  I waited.  I took a pill every day and I waited.  And, eventually, the pill started to work.  For many weeks I felt the darkness dogging at my heels and then, finally, I felt free.

I worry, as I ever have, that someday the depression will drive those I love from my side.  That it will one day become impossible to distinguish its voice from my own.  That I will have more episodes over the course of time and that, one day, the only happy times my family will have with me will be memories.

But this season, this change, gives me hope.  The ability to delight in our simple family life, in the beautiful weather, in the smiles that I am able to share.  This season, right now, is a good one.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Say What?

This two and a half year old munchkin of ours, she provides lots of laughs (along with some headaches).  Here are a few of her phrases these days:

1.  Any time the sky gets dim, she runs to us yelling, "Ih's fwainee!!"  In Munchkin speak, this means, "It's raining!!"  This is the first weather phenomenon that she has recognized, and it's fair to say that she is fully obsessed.  Days are getting shorter,  so when she goes to bed and the light is dim, "Ih's fwainee!!"  When she wakes up to more dim light, "Ih's fwainee!!"  Along with her obsession with the rain, she worries constantly about the cars getting wet.  Often, "Car wet!" are the first words she says to me when I see her in the morning.  No amount of persuasion can convince her that it is not, in fact, raining and that the car is dry.  When it actually IS raining, watch out.  These topics are on a constant state of repeat for hours on end.

2.  When she has a stinky diaper, I will often tell her: "Shoo-Whee!"  She has taken over this phrase with great gusto and anytime her diaper is either wet or stinky she will give a dramatic rendition of this complete with waving hand in front of her nose to deflect the "smell".

3.  She still has LOTS of incomprehensible speech.  Even so, this kid has conviction.  So she will give long stories in complete gibberish.  She will also repeat her gibberish over and over trying to make us those with the thick skulls understand what she is talking about.  She is so much like a teacher in a classroom of kids who do not understand their new Algebra.  Very patient, not getting loud, just repeating and repeating and repeating.

4.  She will spontaneously say, "I yuh you" (I love you).  Melts me every time.

5.  When she perceives that anyone is hurt or upset she will come to us and say, "Okay?"  She will pat us and kiss us and hug us to help us feel better.

I love this stage of development where her personality is really starting to shine.  She is strong and caring and loving and so much fun.