Welcome to my less than perfect life!

Embracing the imperfections that make my life practically perfect in every way.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Just Me and My Shadow...

Which happens to be a giant jug of urine.  Yup.  If I were a really good blogger, I'd fill this spot with a montage of me and my jug of urine doing fun things together...swinging around in one another's arms, walking on the beach, etc.  Unfortunately, I'm only a mediocre blogger at best, so you'll just have to imagine these aspects of our relationship.

I don't know if they do it to all pregnant women or just those of us who have issues during pregnancy, but one of the the things I have come to specialize in over the past several years is the 24 hour urine collection.  If you've never done one of these things, I recommend giving your doctor a call and asking if you can just go ahead and do one for fun.  I'm sure they can even be fun for men, too!  Basically, in my case, you take a pregnant lady who has to pee all of the time and then make her pee in only one place and dump it into this big orange container for a 24 hour period.  Oh, and it has to be kept cold, so if you don't have the ability to keep it on ice or something you can overjoy the family by storing it in family fridge.

For me, whenever I'm doing one of these tests I live in constant fear that I will either forget about the test and then accidentally pee somewhere other than in my collection hat, thereby ruining any of the results I have already completed, or that I will spill the urine I have collected (most likely due to pouring it into the big orange container while still mostly asleep).

I recently completed my first 24 hour urine for this pregnancy.  Because the lab I have to take the results to is about 30 minutes away from home, The Mister and I packed our friend Old Orange up in the car with us and decided to drop it off at the lab while we were out on a date.  Yes, this should tell you everything you need to know about the level of romance you can expect while pregnant and in an 11 year marriage.

With Old Orange in tow, we headed out to see a morning movie.  Before lunch, we drove the 30 minutes over to the lab.  The Mister dropped me off at the curb and I grabbed my little friend and headed in to drop it off.  Only to find that the lab was closed.  Hmmm...this seems like information someone might have given me when they told me I could complete this test and drop it off ANY TIME I WANTED.

Carrying Old Orange back to the car, I placed her lovingly in the back seat and directed The Mister that we should head for lunch.  Because who doesn't carry a giant jug of their own urine with them everywhere they go?  You know, just in case.  After our date, I put my friend in the fridge and then took my friend to work with me the next day and then drove Old Orange one final time back to the lab where I joyfully tearfully left her.

I feel a bit lonely without the old gal now.

Not to worry, though.  I am sure that I will be sent home with another Old Orange not too far in the future.  I optimistically said to The Mister, "I hope I'll only have to do this two more times during my pregnancy."  Misunderstanding, he replied, "You'll have to do it two more times!  No way!"  He didn't realize that the two more times was the best I could possibly hope for.

Maybe the next time I do one, I'll go ahead and put that montage together for you all.  Because that's how committed I am to my readers.  And my jug of urine.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Little Pink Line

It's funny how one tiny pink line, no bigger than a quarter of an inch, can bring news that can change your life.  I had forgotten how that line, that little, tiny line, could mean so much.  I've seen it twice before.  The first time I was startled, in awe.  The second, relieved and terrified all at once.  This third time, well, I guess it was a little bit of awe and terror all together.  It wasn't a surprise and yet, isn't it always?  It can really happen...we can make a baby.

That baby is now only the size of a blueberry.  I had forgotten, though, how that blueberry can take all of the energy you ever had.  How there is no amount of sleep that will ever be able to satisfy your tiredness.  How your super power sense of smell can sniff out every unclean scent in the entire world.  How some things taste entirely wrong and others taste better than anything has ever tasted.

The thing about this third little pink line is this: people look at me with trepidation.  I have experienced difficult pregnancies.  For me, that isn't where my mind goes immediately.  My mind goes to the joy of the baby who comes.  Others worry.  I can't bear to hear the hitch in their voice.  I can't bear to see the worry in their eyes.  I remind them:  there's nothing to worry about right now.  We all need to focus on being filled with joy, excited about this little life that's growing in here.

So, that's what I'm doing.  I'm focusing on the joy.  I can't wait to meet this little blueberry, sometime this Spring, and make her or him a part of our family.  And you can be sure I'll be sharing it all here, with you.

Thursday, September 6, 2012


Age 5:  Will I make any friends?

Age 7:  Mommy, can I sleep over with my friend?

Age 10:  What happened to my homework?

Age 15:  Am I cool enough?

Age 18:  I don't need to ask any questions, I know everything.

Age 19:  Do you think my mother went to heaven?

Age 22:  How will I live now that college is over?

Age 26:  Is he the one?

Age 30:  Am I over the hill?

Age 32:  Is that positive?

Age 33:  How will we live without our son?

Age 33:  Is that positive?

Age 34:  Isn't she the most beautiful girl you've ever seen?

Age 35:  Will it always be this hard?

Age 36:  Should we have just one more?

Age 38:  Is that positive?