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Showing posts from August, 2012

Nugget Had a Little Lamb

And yes, its fleece IS white as snow.  And it's name, quite logically, is Mary.

Mary is terrorizing our household.

We've actually had this little stuffed lamb for a long time and The Nugget never took much interest in it.  A few weeks back, she picked it up and dubbed it Mary.  Since that time, Mary has caused no end of trouble.  First of all, she screams.  A lot.  Loudly.  In fairness to The Nugget, she seems eager to control the screaming by putting Mary into time out.  The screaming was the first behavior Mary displayed, so I just kind of chalked that up to The Nuggets need to have someone to control/boss around.  Now, however, Mary has moved into other behaviors.  She hits, she bites, she poops on things.  She tells The Nugget to do things (so far nothing too bad like killing us in our sleep, but who knows what is next).  I swear to you, The Nugget fights with Mary just like she's a sibling.  And she tattles on Mary just like she's a sibling, too.

At first, I was p…

Let's Rant (put on your red shoes and rant the blues)!

1.  A while back my company was bought out by a bigger company.  No big deal.  Until now.  Now the bigger company has taken over all of our internet access and by taken over I mean completely ceased.  I can no longer look at Blogger at work.  My job satisfaction, and frankly productivity, is plummeting!  How I am supposed to make writing a blog pay for itself if not with their dollars?

2.  Some complete idiot went screeching by me and passed me on the left inside of my neighborhood the other morning while all the kids were standing out at the school bus stops.  I couldn't see his plate well enough to write it down (because I'm sure someone besides me will care about this) but I am focused with laser-like intensity on finding him again.  If anyone sees a silver Honda Accord circa 2000, give me a call.

3.  Trash.  Why are people such litterbugs?  Taking a walk with the family the other night we came across so much garbage, some within easy walking distance of a garbage can.  Nea…

What New Tires Can Do

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 Grief, like the thump of a heartbeat, is always with me.  Sometimes in the background, quietly powering the parts of me that lie beneath the surface:

he's gone, he's gone, he's gone

Sometimes, in ways that I don't expect, it feels as though I've run a marathon and the grief, like that quickened heartbeat, suddenly becomes a deafening roar, the only thing I can hear:

HE'S GONE, HE'S GONE, HE'S GONE

Four years ago, on a hot summer day, I sat in the service station and waited for my tires to be changed.  On this day when I should have been home bonding with my newborn son, I sat in the service station and got new tires.  I cried.  I cried all of the time then.  It was wrong to go about this mundane task as if new tires meant anything at all in the face of the loss of a son.  For months on end, the pounding was the only thing I could hear.

HE'SGONEHE'SGONEHE'SGONEHE'SGONEHE'SGONEHE'SGONEHE'SGONE

I went to the service station just…

Shhhh...It's Saturday

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Roots

Driving home from a recent family gathering, I was filled with angst and uncertainty.  When I visit with my family, I am always left with these uneasy feelings.  We do not have an easy, natural relationship.  Getting together always feels like hard work.  As I said to my husband, it triggers feelings of not knowing my place in the world.

Thinking further, it's not that I don't know where I belong now.  I belong right where I am, with The Mister and The Nugget.  I have dear friends who are closer than any of my family ever have been.  I am close with The Mister's family and appreciate the love and support they have given me.  Still, once in a while I feel...rootless.

My parents divorced when I was 3.  After that, I saw my father a couple of times a year for many years.  It is my understanding that he didn't pay child support and, knowing her, my mother would have been too fiercely proud to ask for it.  Because of the fighting between my mother and step father at home, I…