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Showing posts from January, 2012

Change

First I want to thank everyone for their kind comments and encouragement.  Me being the technical genius that I am, I was writing replies to comments from my email to each of you.  But, it seems I can't do that.  So  just know that I had really kind and thoughtful things to say and so appreciate many of you sharing your own stories with me.

I had surgery on Wednesday and today is Sunday.  My wounds are healing at a championship rate and I am planning to return to work tomorrow.  Physically, I am surprised at how unbelievably I am doing.

Mentally, well, that's a bit of a different story.  I'm not going to lie to you folks.  Change.  Is.  Hard.  I mean, it's HARD hard.  There's a part of me, and luckily right now that part does not make up over fifty percent of me, that would have this stupid band yanked in five seconds flat if I could just for the love of all that is holy eat some freaking food and have a carbonated beverage.  Oh, Diet Coke, why have you forsaken me…

Anasthesia

Today is the day.  I am heading into surgery in a few short hours.  This is the first time I have been under anesthesia since I was a teenager.  I have had two c-sections, but I was wide awake and anxiously awaiting the babies that followed.  This time, I will be asleep.  And, with that, comes a slightly higher level of risk.

I fretted all night.  Not because I don't trust my surgeon (who, in case you are wondering, has never lost a patient), not because I don't think I'm doing the right thing, but because of that little sliver of a chance that something could go wrong and I never come back.  It's just that I've never had so much to lose.  This beautiful family... I couldn't bear to leave them.

I wrote The Mister a "just in case" email yesterday.  In it, I outlined my insurance coverage (in my house, I'm the one who keeps track of this stuff) and how I feel it would be wise to spend it.  I reminded him of what I would want, medically, in case of e…

Elevensies

I have decided to tag myself from the great and wise Lucy the Valiant (who gave us permission to tag ourselves as she magnanimously decided to decline picking favorites and/or potentially annoying people).  If you don't know Lucy, you really should.  Go visit her site now.  This post can wait.  Because she?  Is awesome.  Kind and smart and funny and real.  You will love her.  I promise.

Okay, you back?  Well, then, let's begin, shall we?

The Rules

1. Post the rules.
2. Post 11 things about you.
3. Answer the questions the tagger asked you.
4. Write 11 new questions for those you tag.

11 things about me


1.  I met The Mister at the wedding of one of our dear friends.  We were set up by the bride and her      mother.  We will be married 11 years this Spring and I knew from the first day that he would be my husband; my only task was to convince him it was true.  Thankfully, I am very convincing.

2.  I have a tatoo of a peace sign on my right big toe.  I wish I could have it removed beca…

Heavy

In my mind I can still hear my step-father singing, a distant memory but sharp and clear, "Fatty, fatty two by four, can't get through the bedroom door!" while my cheeks blush red and tears sting at the corners of my eyes.  I want to ride on the bottom of the grocery cart.  Mommy always lets me.

"You're too big!" he says angrily, shoving the cart so that I hit my head on the underside of the basket.  I hold in the tears and climb off.  Abruptly, it seems, I am not a little girl anymore.  Nobody's pet or baby.  Just a fat...thing.  Not to be loved or held or cuddled, but to be ridiculed and teased and left out.

I was five.

My mother used to say it was baby fat.  "Leave her alone.  It's just baby fat.  She'll grow out of it."  Her words didn't matter, he teased me mercilessly.  I learned that eating was something that, though it felt good, I should be ashamed of.  Food became my shame, my friend, my foe.  My addiction.  I learned to …

A Few of my Favorite Things

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To continue the theme of counting my blessing, I have received some wonderful gifts this Christmas season!  I thought, in case you needed to spend some cash, you might want to see what I found most worthwhile:

1.  Roomba - I love clean carpet.  I have two hairy dogs, two cats and a toddler.  Clean carpet is hard to come by.  When my husband cleans this guy out, I can just hit the button on the way out the door for work in the morning.  Voila!  Continuously clean carpet.  My feminist, 18-year old self would probably punch me in the eye for wanting this gift.  The pushing-40 version of me LOVES it.


2.  Dansko Clogs - here's something else the 18-year old me would probably hate.  The pushing-40 me needs some comfortable shoes because her dogs are barking!  These are the best. shoes. ever.

3.  A crock pot that can travel!  Okay, I am only on number three and realize that I am old and boring.  I might need to spice it up a bit in 2012.  Anyway...my old crock pot broke, otherwise I would …

Counting my Blessings

I am back.  I have weathered the storm.  I faked my way through Christmas and am feeling better this 2012.  I could dwell on the details of all of that, but I prefer to do as the Cole Porter suggests right now.  I have good health, a beautiful family, a warm home and plenty of food.  I am grateful that my problems are third-world problems, that I have climbed Maslow's rungs to the point that I have the luxury to worry about things other than where my next meal will come from, how I will stay safe tonight, how I will keep my family safe.

In that spirit, I am posting a link to this lovely song and will be back to write more soon:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeftvZPsXeY