Welcome to my less than perfect life!

Embracing the imperfections that make my life practically perfect in every way.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Why I am pretty sure the cashier is trying to kill me

So, The Nugget and I went food shopping the other day.   I generally try to be super organized when we do this because I can only hold off her irritation for so long.  I always know exactly what we need and where we are going so I can bang through the shopping and get out of there.  We were doing great.  Until we reached the checkout stand.

I rapidly scanned the various aisles and decided on one where there was one full cart and one half cart in front of us.  It seemed the best we could do.  I was confident that we would move right along.

*Cue ominous music*

When you have a two year old, you really can't just relax and read the magazines while you leisurely wait on the line to move forward.  Standing in line equates to a million requests for all of the various things that are surrounding the aisle. 

"I want lipstick!"

"I want cookies!"

"I'm hungry!"

"I want a balloon!"

And then, of course, the invariable anger that follows the denial of said requests.  It's pretty exhausting.  So what I like to do is watch that conveyor belt like a hawk until I can start squeezing my stuff on behind the person in front of me.  This feels like progress.  This makes me feel like I have some control over the situation.

On this fateful day, however, the line would. not. move.  It appeared that the cashier was examining each product that she scanned with great interest.  I'm pretty sure she might have been reading the warning labels on each one.  I don't know what she was doing, other than driving my blood pressure skyward.

My typical shopping trip (which covers two weeks worth of groceries) last an hour from door to door.  We stood in line at least 15 minutes before the first cart in line even STARTED wrapping it up.

*Sigh*

The woman in front of me appeared to be having some sort of anxiety attack.  She kept looking back at me and smiling nervously.  Apparently all the cursing muttering under my breath didn't make me seem any less like a crazy person.  Of course, once she saw how achingly slow this cashier was moving, she probably regretted the cart she had piled to the ceiling with teeny, tiny items.  It looked like she had bought about ten thousand bottles of Visine or something.  Needless to say, it takes a bit longer to ring up ten thousand bottles of Visine that 10 extra large bags of dog food.  And it especially takes longer when the cashier takes the time to read each bottle before bagging it.

So we waited.

*Angry sigh*

*Shuffle*

*Huff*

*GLARE ANGRILY AT SECURITY CAMERA IN HOPES THAT THEY WILL COME ARREST THE CASHIER FOR HER RIDICULOUS INABILITY TO PERFORM HER ONLY DUTY*

Does the cashier not realize that I have bought some meat that needs to be used or frozen by the end of the day?  Sitting at room temperature cannot be good for my el-cheapo meat purchase!  Not to mention the ice cream I splurged on!  WHY?

*Grumble*

*Groan*

"MOMMY, I'M HUNGRY!!!"

*Consider ramming my cart into the cart in front of me but assume that causing injury to another shopper will only cause me guilty feelings and not address the root problem of my total hatred of the cashier at this point*

At this point, I FINALLY get to put something on the EDGE of the conveyor. 

*Thankyouthankyouthankyoupleasepleaseplease let it end*

I finally being loading my food onto the belt which is moving at a snail's pace.  The day old meat is warm to the touch.  The ice cream is literally completely melted.

At this point I begin telepathically willing the security forces behind those cameras to PLEASE HELP ME because it has become clear to me that the cashier is trying to kill me.  And it's working.  If she doesn't cause me a stroke or a heart attack here in the aisle, she will give me food poisoning after I get home.  She has all of her bases covered.

*Help*

*HELP!!*

"Mommy, I want that!"  Points to whatever she sees in the nearby bin.

We FINALLY reach the point of getting ready to pay.  It appears that the security overlords have heard my prayers.  Another cashier comes and changes places with the current one.  I am too relieved to even consider being annoyed by the extra time it takes them to change out their drawers.

HA HA, Marsha!  Your evil plan was thwarted at the last minute!  Take that!  I live to shop another day.

*Tears of relief*

All told, we stood in that line for 40 minutes.  Forty.  Damned.  Minutes.  But we survived.  By God, we survived!

And, yes, I'll still be cooking that old meat up later this week.  Send us your prayers.

10 comments:

  1. Wow, I would have changed lines by that point. What the heck was that girl doing/thinking!! I've been a cashier at a Walgreens, so no moving conveyor belt, but I'm pretty good about rushing right through everything!

    Cassie
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  2. I hate when this happens! Shouldn't there be a law or something that when you see a person with a toddler you stop dilly dallying and get them checked out, served, whatever needs to be done so they can get back to a child-friendly environment?

    Congrats on surviving, hope you don't get food poisoning:)

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  3. Ugh, know just what you mean! I actually trust meat a wee bit more than ice-cream though.

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  4. Oh honey. How horrible! Just out of curiousity, did visine woman pay by check? Not that it was her fault, but, it would be the icing on the cake. Hang in there! Xo

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  5. You are being my ray of sunshine. I was still ticked about waiting in line for 15 min at a pharmacy behind a woman who was trying to convince them to refill her prescription that she should not need refilled for 25 days! hmmm....does the term controlled substance mean anything to you?! I had no toddler along and no meat becoming rancid. So, you may still be feeling the stress but I hope it helps to know you made me feel much better!

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  6. Oh. My. Goodness! 40 minutes in line? I don't know how you kept those words of frustration building inside to yourself. Which, by the way, I almost said for you at my computer.
    Perhaps this is exactly why they put those cute little toys and candies within a child's reach. So they have something to entertain themselves with in such emergencies.
    I'm so glad you're home now. Relief.

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  7. How. How? How did you survive? She was a crazy couponer, huh?? I love that your daughter asked for lipstick first :)

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  8. Omg, are you effing with me?! 40 frickin' minutes?! I would have stapped someone in the eye with a chocolate bar. And flicked the meat onto them! Ew! Poor you :(

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  9. I laughed hard at the Visine exaggeration. Loved this post. I scrolled back up to see if I missed that you said you were at Walmart but you didn't say. I always have a "been there" giggle at Walmart when I see things left on top of the gum that you let your child hold through the store and put it back at the last possible hollering second. You really did good not to get arrested in 40 minutes.

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  10. Haahaa,
    the cashier must have been new or she really dug your food items. :::SIGH:::

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