Working Mom

The Nugget's babysitter is awesome.  She has been working hard this summer, taking the kids to the pool or the park almost every day.  The little ones end the day exhausted and happy.  The Nugget loves her friends and her babysitter and the whole experience of going to the sitter's.

But I wish it were me who was home with my baby.

I wish that I was home with her every day.  I wish that it was I who took her to the pool and the playground and the museum and the zoo each day.  I wish I didn't come home from a full day of work exhausted and depleted and without much left to give.

I know that we are blessed.  First of all, we are all happy and healthy.  Second, The Nugget gets to spend lots of time with her parents (though her parents don't get to spend much time together).  And The Nugget actually likes the social outlet provided by the sitter.  But still, I wish our situation were different and that we didn't even need the sitter in our lives.

Some moms who stay home have told me that they think it's good, as an adult, to have a work outlet.  They want the ability to have this adult time to help them cope with the kid-stuff at home.  To them I say:  I'll be the judge of that, at least for me.  Maybe I would stay home and go crazy and need to find a part-time job.  But at least it would be an option.  Now, there is no option.  Just work and home and cook and clean and try to squeeze in playtime where we can and bathe and sleep and repeat.  It's exhausting and I miss my kid.

Lots of moms out there are working multiple jobs.  I tip my hat to them.  I suppose we all do what we must, but I don't know if I could hack it.  My own mother worked multiple shifts at a factory when I was little.  I thought I understood how hard that must have been, but it wasn't until I had my own babies that I understood the truth of what she gave up to do that.

Dearest Daughter:  One day we will look back on this time and it will have flashed by, little more than a blink of the universe's eye.  But, for me, my days have been long without you.  I am never happier than when you are by my side.  I love being a mother and a wife and cooking and cleaning and making a happy life for my family.  There was a time in my younger life when I didn't realize that I could find that job fulfilling, but now I know that, for me, there is nothing more important.  I still consider it my number one job, it's just one that unfortunately doesn't pay the bills. 

So on the days you go to the sitter, enjoy!  Have fun and run and swim with your friends.  Smile and laugh and socialize.  I don't envy your freedom and joy, I just wish I were there to share it with you.