Welcome to my current neurotic breakdown:
A blogger deleted my comment. I wish I could say I wasn't obsessing about it, but I am. It happened like a week and a half ago and it's turned me into a middle school girl all over again. Why? Doesn't she like me? What did I do wrong? Would it seem overly crazy to email her and ask what happened? Did it even go through in the first place? Should I post a similar comment again just to be sure she meant to delete it? Should I change my hair? Should I ask my mom to buy me that pair of Z-Cavaricci's in an attempt to better fit in?
It seems at every stage of life, there is some new series of social hoops to navigate. I usually don't even recognize this fact until I am in the middle of said social hoop. I have never been adept at such things. I have always been the chubby kid who is uncertain of her place in the social strata. I have always been awkward and shy alternating with overly brash and obnoxious (read: trying too hard).
Knowing this about myself, I analyze most interactions-gone-wrong through that lens. In this case, was I trying to be funny and relatable in the comment but instead came off as an arrogant idiot who was poking fun at the blog? I hadn't meant to. I was trying to commiserate with the blogger. I am not opposed to disagreeing with a blogger, mind you, but in this case I was laughing at the post in question and just wanted to share in the joy of it.
The funny thing is, it is very rare that I would ever check on the status of one of my comments. Hell, every blogger in the history of blogging may have deleted my comments on their posts and I would never know. In this case, I thought the original post and several of the comments were very funny so, in an unusual move, I went back to check for more witty comments and saw that my witty comment was gone.
This whole experience is the mental equivalent of me not being able to find a place to sit down with my tray in the middle school cafeteria because I don't have a group of friends to sit with. Not pleasant. I thought bloggyland was a place where I was on equal footing with folks; I have always expressed myself better in written form. There are no subtle social cues (that I am often missing) needed since I can be detached and write just what I think in a clear, concise way. And the people who have commented on my blog have said that I am funny and pleasant to read. I thought this was my niche.
So, to the blogger who deleted my post: I'm sorry if I said something wrong. I am sure you are not reading this because you are big-time and I am small potatoes, but I think it is important to put the energy out there. And to the other bloggers who delete comments, I say this: could we reserve this action for those who are openly mean-spirited? Is it really necessary to delete comments when maybe they just don't please you? If the commenter leaves her or his info (which I did), you could always address them directly. I know I am being overly sensitive here, I really do. I just think the comments are the community of our blogs and we should be careful with how we treat that community. Let's try and affirm one another, be inclusive and, well, I think John and Yoko said it best: "All we are saying is give peace a chance."
To summarize: I am a crazy, neurotic social outcast who will never go back to check on one of my comments again. But I still love blogging and bloggers and all that stuff, so I'll see you out there!